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You either love me or find me very annoying. I just got the book "Survival to Recovery (Growing up n an Alcoholic home) this weekend and I swear a few of the pages I could have written myself with a few exceptions.
I grew up hiding form my reality in a fantasy world. I grew up loving mythological creatures, fairy tales, and wanted to be apart of that because I could be powerful and stick up for myself and others. I played with my toys for hours being in that world I loved. That world I could control.
I am also an extrovert but kids my age didn't get me thought I was weird because of my fantasy world and couldn't relate so I was bullied. They also bullied me because also unusually thin (still am) and was an easy target. Actually my weight (or lack there of) is still an issue to this day. I am a social creature who isn't accepted often (still have this issue). I never could hide (and still can't) who I am though and that made things worse. So I hide from my father but couldn't make a lot of friends because no one understood my reality because it wasn't real. I told outlandish stories brought on by my imagination into my 20s (this now has been stopped in my life). I wanted to be a hero something special but inside I never felt like that. I got into horrible emotionally abusive relationships.
I never knew anything but extreme emotions. I express my anger in outbursts of rage, I express my sadness in deep victim like depression, and when I am happy I have to tell everyone why. When I meet new people I will talk their ear off and tell them my life story yet afraid to show them who I am once they like me. Then when I get comfortable with someone they see the real me and back away. While much of my emotional well being as improved I am now getting so uncomfortable around social situations (because I now know the reality of such behaviors and realize the worlds rejection of me was mostly on my shoulders and not the world who was the problem).
I find it completely uncomfortable being who I am but I can't control not being who I am. I already know I am wearing on people. This passed weekend I did my best to make sure I wasn't annoying. Though my chatty annoying self came out. Ugh I wish I could just SHUT UP!
I grew up hiding form my reality in a fantasy world. I grew up loving mythological creatures, fairy tales, and wanted to be apart of that because I could be powerful and stick up for myself and others. I played with my toys for hours being in that world I loved. That world I could control.
I am also an extrovert but kids my age didn't get me thought I was weird because of my fantasy world and couldn't relate so I was bullied. They also bullied me because also unusually thin (still am) and was an easy target. Actually my weight (or lack there of) is still an issue to this day. I am a social creature who isn't accepted often (still have this issue). I never could hide (and still can't) who I am though and that made things worse. So I hide from my father but couldn't make a lot of friends because no one understood my reality because it wasn't real. I told outlandish stories brought on by my imagination into my 20s (this now has been stopped in my life). I wanted to be a hero something special but inside I never felt like that. I got into horrible emotionally abusive relationships.
I never knew anything but extreme emotions. I express my anger in outbursts of rage, I express my sadness in deep victim like depression, and when I am happy I have to tell everyone why. When I meet new people I will talk their ear off and tell them my life story yet afraid to show them who I am once they like me. Then when I get comfortable with someone they see the real me and back away. While much of my emotional well being as improved I am now getting so uncomfortable around social situations (because I now know the reality of such behaviors and realize the worlds rejection of me was mostly on my shoulders and not the world who was the problem).
I find it completely uncomfortable being who I am but I can't control not being who I am. I already know I am wearing on people. This passed weekend I did my best to make sure I wasn't annoying. Though my chatty annoying self came out. Ugh I wish I could just SHUT UP!
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Ranting on current events in the USA
It's been probably way to long sense I written or even posted art. I needed to rant a bit here were I'm a bit more incognito. Never before have I been so fired up about politics. Never before have I chosen a candidate that I believe actually cares about the people.
My political choice isn't necessarily what's best for me as an individual but for the collective populace. Sure I have some concerns about myself (will I ever be able to retire even though I am saving?) I have a decent job get paid pretty well and while I could always use more (who doesn't) I am content with my life for the most part. Despite getting a huge cut in pay a while back
My latest Testimony 07JUN2014
I still have moments when I get stressed, upset, feel lonely, and express anger but they only last for so long now. Instead of in mostly sorrow and depression with only moments of happiness I am now in reverse. I am healing form much of my life's turmoil. Many of you don't understand the battle I had over the years. Some of you may think "oh she hasn't had a bad life". Especially those who know me for most of it. I will tell you, you have no clue what went behind close doors or the playground cruelty that I still battle with today. I will leave it at that. For I no longer want to focus on that I want to focus on all the glory God gives!
Yes
Making Amends
Good Morning all! The last few weeks I have been working on Step 8 which includes making amends. I wasn’t meaning to take this long on it but I admit I been kind of distracted lately. However, the times I was able to concentrate on it I was able to really think about things.
About 3 weeks ago I did start writing a list. It was hard because I had thought I owed a lot of people amends but it turns out I either A. already had B. I wasn’t as horrible of a person as I thought I was and there was nothing to make amends for. Let me elaborate; a few years ago even before joining Al-Anon I called a bunch of people I lied to throughout my
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Personally, I find you to be a "lovable" person, and much of what you describe here happens to ALL of us in one form or another! It is most likely that the dysfunctional part of your upbringing has simply made you more SENSITIVE; that's all! Nevertheless, we have both the power and strength to overcome EVERY negative situation in our lives. In short, Philippians 4:13 definitely applies here!
As a "preacher", I am known for being a TALKER also, so I know the feeling. You are welcome to note, Email, or even call, if you need to "unload". I consider you as a friend always!
God bless!
As a "preacher", I am known for being a TALKER also, so I know the feeling. You are welcome to note, Email, or even call, if you need to "unload". I consider you as a friend always!
God bless!